a practical guide to becoming a true pun master

animeteen:

  1. accept that no pun is actually Good, but that the true nature of a good pun is to be so terrible that it becomes good.
  2. say every pun that occurs to you. i’m so serious about this, sometimes the most well received puns will be ones you considered not saying.
  3. ALWAYS laugh at your own puns, even if nobody else is. (especially if nobody else is.)
  4. know that you are hilarious. puns are a limitless resource and you have taken it as your duty to bring this gift to humanity. you are a hero.

(Source: kiluas, via brightstartheory)

7 hours ago
charles-a-green:

charles-a-green:

tank-grrl:

hello-missmayhem:

cptprocrastination:

doomhamster:

belcanta:

nikkidubs:

attentiondeficitaptitude:

belcanta:

Guaranteed basic income to every citizen, whether or not they are employed to ensure their survival and that they live in a dignified, humane way, preventing poverty, illness, homelessness, reducing crime, encouraging higher education and learning vocations as well as helping society become more prosperous as a whole. 

Wow. Forget raising the minimum wage. This is much much better idea.
The minimum wage could actually drop if we had basic income.
But Americans would never go for it. Miserably slogging through 12 hour days and having businesses open 24/7 is too engrained in our culture.

"BUT WHERE WILL THE GOVERNMENT GET THE MONEY?" screamed Joe Schmoe, slamming a meaty fist onto the table and getting mouth-froth all over the front of his greying tank top. "You libt*rds all think money grows on TREES!! HAHA!""But where will people get the incentive to work?!" Mindy Bindy cried, flapping her hands in front of her face. She’d had a fear of the unemployed lollygagging about ever since she was a child and her mother told her to be afraid of the unemployed lollygagging about. "You think people should get paid for nothing? I work hard for my money!”
"But who will serve me?" grumbled Marty McMoneybags. "Who will make me feel important? Who will do my laundry and cook my food and stand in front of me wearing a plastic smile while I take out all my stress—because I do have a lot of stress, you know, being this rich is stressful—on them?” He paused and straightened out the piles of hundred dollar bills on the desk in front of him, then raised his two watery, outraged eyes up to the Heavens. “Lord, if there are no poor people, how will I know that I’m rich??”

I laughed. This is perfect! Well said!

The thing is, while I’m sure you could scrape up a few people who’d be willing to just float by on a guaranteed minimum income? For most people the choice to work would be a no-brainer. “Hmmm. I can get by on 33k a year, or I can take that part time job and make 48k… enough to move to a better apartment, maybe take the family on vacation. Sold.” Hell, most people would want to work simply because it gives one a sense of dignity and something to do with one’s time. (Speaking as someone who’s been unemployed, on extended sick leave, etc. in her time, the boredom and sense of isolation that comes with not having a job is almost as bad as the humiliation of having to depend on other people for one’s survival.)
And with this system, part-time jobs and “non-skilled” jobs would be much more readily available because nobody would need to work two or three jobs just to stay afloat!
Which would ALSO mean that employers and customers couldn’t shamelessly exploit employees the way they can today, because if losing a job weren’t necessarily a financial disaster, more people would be willing to walk out on jobs where they weren’t being treated with dignity.
And if this also applies to students (and it should) then student loans would become much less of a problem, and fewer people would flunk out of school because of having to juggle studies and work.
Far fewer people would be forced to stay with abusive partners, parents or roommates because they couldn’t afford to move out.
And the thing is, all those people who suddenly had money? They’d be spending it. They’d be getting all the stuff they can’t afford now - new clothes, books, toys, locally-produced food, car repairs - and with each purchase money would flow BACK to the government, because VAT, also income tax.
The unemployed and/or disabled wouldn’t need special support any more - which would also mean the government could fire however many admins who are currently engaged in humiliating - *cough* making sure those people aren’t getting money they don’t deserve. Same for medical benefits and pensions. And I’m no legal scholar, but I somehow imagine less financial desperation would lead to less petty crime, and hence less need for police and security everywhere?
TL;DR Doomie thinks this is a good idea, laughs at those who protest.

reblogging for more top commentary

They tried something like this out in Canada as a sort of social experiment, called Mincome. What they found was that, on the whole, people continued to work about as much as they did before. Only new mothers and teenagers worked substantially less hours. 
But wait, there’s more. Because parents were spending just a little more time at home and involved with their families, test scores increased. Because teens didn’t have to work to support their families, drop-out rates decreased. Crime rates, hospital visits, psychiatric hospitalizations and domestic abuse rates all dropped, as well. More adults pursued higher education. Those who continued to work reported more job flexibility and more opportunity to choose employment they preferred.
Basically, now you can go prove to your asshole family members that society won’t collapse without poor people for you to feel better than.

The picture is awesome, but read the commentary, that’s what I’m reblogging for.

This is wonderful commentary and I really really hope that we can have something like this in the US

I’m reblogging this TWICE because I love it that much

charles-a-green:

charles-a-green:

tank-grrl:

hello-missmayhem:

cptprocrastination:

doomhamster:

belcanta:

nikkidubs:

attentiondeficitaptitude:

belcanta:

Guaranteed basic income to every citizen, whether or not they are employed to ensure their survival and that they live in a dignified, humane way, preventing poverty, illness, homelessness, reducing crime, encouraging higher education and learning vocations as well as helping society become more prosperous as a whole. 

Wow. Forget raising the minimum wage. This is much much better idea.

The minimum wage could actually drop if we had basic income.

But Americans would never go for it. Miserably slogging through 12 hour days and having businesses open 24/7 is too engrained in our culture.

"BUT WHERE WILL THE GOVERNMENT GET THE MONEY?" screamed Joe Schmoe, slamming a meaty fist onto the table and getting mouth-froth all over the front of his greying tank top. "You libt*rds all think money grows on TREES!! HAHA!"

"But where will people get the incentive to work?!" Mindy Bindy cried, flapping her hands in front of her face. She’d had a fear of the unemployed lollygagging about ever since she was a child and her mother told her to be afraid of the unemployed lollygagging about. "You think people should get paid for nothing? I work hard for my money!”

"But who will serve me?" grumbled Marty McMoneybags. "Who will make me feel important? Who will do my laundry and cook my food and stand in front of me wearing a plastic smile while I take out all my stress—because I do have a lot of stress, you know, being this rich is stressful—on them?” He paused and straightened out the piles of hundred dollar bills on the desk in front of him, then raised his two watery, outraged eyes up to the Heavens. “Lord, if there are no poor people, how will I know that I’m rich??”

I laughed. This is perfect! Well said!

The thing is, while I’m sure you could scrape up a few people who’d be willing to just float by on a guaranteed minimum income? For most people the choice to work would be a no-brainer. “Hmmm. I can get by on 33k a year, or I can take that part time job and make 48k… enough to move to a better apartment, maybe take the family on vacation. Sold.” Hell, most people would want to work simply because it gives one a sense of dignity and something to do with one’s time. (Speaking as someone who’s been unemployed, on extended sick leave, etc. in her time, the boredom and sense of isolation that comes with not having a job is almost as bad as the humiliation of having to depend on other people for one’s survival.)

And with this system, part-time jobs and “non-skilled” jobs would be much more readily available because nobody would need to work two or three jobs just to stay afloat!

Which would ALSO mean that employers and customers couldn’t shamelessly exploit employees the way they can today, because if losing a job weren’t necessarily a financial disaster, more people would be willing to walk out on jobs where they weren’t being treated with dignity.

And if this also applies to students (and it should) then student loans would become much less of a problem, and fewer people would flunk out of school because of having to juggle studies and work.

Far fewer people would be forced to stay with abusive partners, parents or roommates because they couldn’t afford to move out.

And the thing is, all those people who suddenly had money? They’d be spending it. They’d be getting all the stuff they can’t afford now - new clothes, books, toys, locally-produced food, car repairs - and with each purchase money would flow BACK to the government, because VAT, also income tax.

The unemployed and/or disabled wouldn’t need special support any more - which would also mean the government could fire however many admins who are currently engaged in humiliating - *cough* making sure those people aren’t getting money they don’t deserve. Same for medical benefits and pensions. And I’m no legal scholar, but I somehow imagine less financial desperation would lead to less petty crime, and hence less need for police and security everywhere?

TL;DR Doomie thinks this is a good idea, laughs at those who protest.

reblogging for more top commentary

They tried something like this out in Canada as a sort of social experiment, called Mincome. What they found was that, on the whole, people continued to work about as much as they did before. Only new mothers and teenagers worked substantially less hours. 

But wait, there’s more. Because parents were spending just a little more time at home and involved with their families, test scores increased. Because teens didn’t have to work to support their families, drop-out rates decreased. Crime rates, hospital visits, psychiatric hospitalizations and domestic abuse rates all dropped, as well. More adults pursued higher education. Those who continued to work reported more job flexibility and more opportunity to choose employment they preferred.

Basically, now you can go prove to your asshole family members that society won’t collapse without poor people for you to feel better than.

The picture is awesome, but read the commentary, that’s what I’m reblogging for.

This is wonderful commentary and I really really hope that we can have something like this in the US

I’m reblogging this TWICE because I love it that much

(via library-a-go-go)

4 days ago

I love fun socks! and those are Funtastic! <—- wow, that was bad.

Yessss!

bixbee  

1 week ago
I call it a successful shopping trip when I get a pair of spooky skellington socks.

I call it a successful shopping trip when I get a pair of spooky skellington socks.

1 week ago

I have two extra codes for the early access demo for Super Smash Bros on the 3ds. Message me if you want one.

Update: they are gone.

1 week ago
1 week ago
bixbee:

wallflowersperk:

mogarisreadytoblog:

willgrahamsstagdo:

eggsuckinguttertrash:

anybody read this?
i didn’t pick it to read right now nah i totes had a change mind so yeah i am reading it, but some input would be kind of nice because, well, it seems a tad odd
the way it’s set up
it was mentioned quite a few times in my internet perusing, and a lot of people were talking about how long/hard (i’ve been reading for 7 months…) of a read it is so of course i had to buy it
and i mean, it’s a big book, gotta be at least 500 pages (i didn’t check) but
just
let me show you




















so yeah
any input you can give me on what i’m getting myself into here would be cool

This is the best book i have ever read, it took months to read it and i couldnt even finish it the second time round, i seriously recomend it though

It looks like a descent into madness.


I loved this book. And, if you are looking for accompanying/related music, the musician Poe’s album is just that. The author and Poe are siblings.



nope….nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope

I&#8217;m with bixbee. That book creeped the hell out of me when I was a young lad. But I have been thinking of giving it another try.

bixbee:

wallflowersperk:

mogarisreadytoblog:

willgrahamsstagdo:

eggsuckinguttertrash:

anybody read this?

i didn’t pick it to read right now nah i totes had a change mind so yeah i am reading it, but some input would be kind of nice because, well, it seems a tad odd

the way it’s set up

it was mentioned quite a few times in my internet perusing, and a lot of people were talking about how long/hard (i’ve been reading for 7 months…) of a read it is so of course i had to buy it

and i mean, it’s a big book, gotta be at least 500 pages (i didn’t check) but

just

let me show you

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

so yeah

any input you can give me on what i’m getting myself into here would be cool

This is the best book i have ever read, it took months to read it and i couldnt even finish it the second time round, i seriously recomend it though

It looks like a descent into madness.

I loved this book. And, if you are looking for accompanying/related music, the musician Poe’s album is just that. The author and Poe are siblings.

nope….nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope
I’m with bixbee. That book creeped the hell out of me when I was a young lad. But I have been thinking of giving it another try.
1 week ago

elvve:

*bangs fist on table* I WANT COLD WEATHER

Me too! I just got a new coat.

(via wallflowersperk)

1 week ago

briangefrich:

kaanekii answered your post: Do I have any followers who were born …

ye

Allow me to tell you a story, child.

image

"Stay awhile and listen!"

Back around the time you were born, the Internet was a toddler too, and very little illustrates this like a game called Elf Bowling. This game from NStorm hit the web in 1998. Like many of the whack-a-mole games of that time, it was very simple and involved physical abuse.

In this case, Santa was bored and decided to go bowling, using his elves as pins while a reindeer watched.

image

The elves scream in high-pitched synchronized fear every time Santa bowls, and their crushed bodies are swept away into darkness by a giant squeegee.

image

Also, the game is really boring, like all bowling games.

Because the internet was still in diapers, of course it went completely viral in 1999.

And it kind of destroyed the Internet.

See, back in those days, most email users were using a program like Outlook Express to download messages to their computer.

image

This was before webmail was a thing. A majority of users at this time were still on dial-up (some were lucky enough to get a steady 56k connection, but many would be stuck at 33.6, or even worse, 18.8) and email systems were built to quickly move tiny text messages back and forth. A huge essay-like email to your mom explaining why you need more money? That’s a kilobyte or two in plain text and an email system blasts that out with no issues.

Elf Bowling is 1.1mb.

With a strong 56k connection, 1.1mb takes at least two and half minutes to download.

Outlook Express 5, which came with Windows 98, had a default server timeout of 60 seconds.

In 1999, everybody emailed it to everyone they know.

I was working as an internet tech support rep at the time, and here’s what happened:

  1. Elf Bowling would appear in your inbox on the server.
  2. You would attempt to download new messages.
  3. Everything before Elf Bowling would download fine.
  4. The server would time out trying to download the Elf Bowling file.
  5. The email would not be deleted from the server or marked as downloaded.
  6. Later on you’d try to get new messages and it would start to download Elf Bowling again, preventing new emails from getting through.

Eventually, it might download, or when you called tech support they had you increase the timeout, but then you’d play the stupid game and try to send it to every person you’ve ever met with an email address.

For the entire holiday season that year, email servers were under assault by this stupid game.

And that was only one half of the story. The file that was being sent around was elfbowling.exe.

People were downloading and running an unknown executable file.

Eventually, a chain email started going around, warning that elf bowling was a virus and it was going to delete all the information on your computer on Dec 25th at midnight, but this was determined to be a hoax.

There are two points here:

First off, fuck you, Elf Bowling

image

Secondly, kaanekii, marvel at where we have come in just your lifetime. I can watch Doctor Who streaming in HD on my phone, and just 16 years ago, one megabyte of Santa being a jackass almost destroyed the Internet’s email infrastructure.

image

(via lokiale)

2 weeks ago
bedbugsbiting:

scaredystark:

agentotter:

jacobtheloofah:

no but the best part is how he got the name:
his name was originally “potatoes,” and his owner, willoughby bertie, told the stable lad who helped him to write the horse’s name on a feed bin. the boy misheard it as, literally “pot-eight-o’s” and wrote it with 8 o’s. bertie found it so funny that he kept that as the horses name.

This is the most beautiful horse-related story I’ve ever heard.

My king

Would it be weird if I changed my last name to Potoooooooo?

bedbugsbiting:

scaredystark:

agentotter:

jacobtheloofah:

no but the best part is how he got the name:

his name was originally “potatoes,” and his owner, willoughby bertie, told the stable lad who helped him to write the horse’s name on a feed bin. the boy misheard it as, literally “pot-eight-o’s” and wrote it with 8 o’s. bertie found it so funny that he kept that as the horses name.

This is the most beautiful horse-related story I’ve ever heard.

My king

Would it be weird if I changed my last name to Potoooooooo?

(Source: juanbercow, via startrekrenegades)

2 weeks ago